This is the first Father's Day I've experienced without my father. He was always there for me when I needed him, and he's the reason I wanted to be an engineer. I wish beyond anything else that I could tell him that, but too often I let my life get in the way.
He was always interested in whatever I was interested in. In my numerous leaps from fandom to fandom, he would share in the jokes and the adulations. We saw more movies together than I could count. We shared a love of music, even if our preferred genres weren't always compatible. I wish we had listened to more and saw more movies together.
We listened to Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity when I was younger, before I moved from that end of the political spectrum. He would often attempt to win me back. I wish I had listened more and engaged more with him about that.
He never got in to video games, but he always ensured I had the latest system. He would occasionally try to play one and would laugh a deep laugh at his inability to do so. Even when money was tight, he always made sure that I had a computer. He paid for my subscription to Ultima Online and later EverQuest, where I could escape to another world. Eventually, I met my wife through those worlds.
He had so many ideas on new companies to build, new ways to make money. I tried to convince him not to waste time with that. I should have been more supportive as he was to me. I know he never got over the unfortunate loss of a company earlier in his life.
Although he didn't fully understand it, he was very supportive of my struggle with bipolar. As men do, we had trouble talking about emotional issues like that. I wish I had opened up to him more.
I hope I will live a life that would have made him proud. I was very proud of him.